What a Saturday afternoon...

I'm so bored on a Saturday like this. I seriously dont like this kind of feeling at all, dont know what should I do later?

12th August 2010

HAPPY 24TH TO ME! :)

My Vacation

Taking a break, hoping that I will feel much better after resting and away from work & the ppl there but I don't feel good. It must be that reason, which takes me forever to comprehend.

Of all times, it just strike at the wrong time. It affected me a great deal, like never before. Maybe it happened before, but I thought that nightmare is already over.

I felt so helpless. The feeling is back, it's been a long time since I last felt like this.

It suck.

My 24th..

Thanks all for making it happen :)

Why do i feel it?

I am so moodless...

I feel like giving up...

It's FINALLY August! I still have like 5 more mths to "change away my current job" day.

I tried recalling how I used to work here with all the drive and heart but it seems to change drastically after those mindsets and disputes over who is handling which account(s). All the statement made and all the perceptions build inside one's mind, I dont know how long more can I take to endure these ppl.

Not saying that I'm super great now and I'm super capable that's why I made such negative comments BUT it is really what's happening this yr. I can say, this yr isnt a good and smooth yr for me. I am not sure about the rest of the "tigers" but I just feel, it's seriously not easy working ppl. I didnt really go think about it when I just started work, probably bcos I've always been in a small firm and not exposed to work with ppl whom are older than me.

I just find it hard to accept in the very 1st place, why these ppl always like to make things difficult and so hard to work with? I guess, this is human management. It's fucking tough, esp. working with ppl whom they think they are bosses themselves (think so highly & impt. of themselves), not willing to help the juniors and seriously no brain (no logical sense). Not bcos I am very good myself that's why I criticize them but to be frank, this is the culture here.

If I am a contented and everyday just do my work kind of person, I probably can survive over here (just like my colleague Shina). Unfortunately, I am not. I expect a lot more from here, the things I do, the progress and most importantly the prospect or opportunity over here. I dont wanna waste 2 yrs here and still a junior learning paperwork, purchasing, liaising etc. It's waste of time to me.

I guess, I finally came to realise one thing - trust no one except for yourself. Maybe I am naive and still thought that in this world there will be ppl who is sincere and willing to teach you, guide you or give you the opportunity. Yes there are, but limited (limited as in they will only do that to a certain extend).

人不为己，天诛地灭。

Superiors choose the ppl they want to teach and "promote" base on their r/s with them. If you are someone they dont as fancy as the other one, that means even how capable you are but your progress over there will only be stagnant, not going anywhere. Whereas, the not so capable one (but very 听话) will promote/progress from there even though there is a limit to his/her capabilities.

I thought I need a better pay job with better prospect. 2011, please come faster!

I want!

Car car car car car car car car car car car car car car car car car car!!

Just the usual Sunday night...

July is slowing come to an end. Soon, my birthday will be approaching and I wonder what can I do for my bday? I cant wait for my long "holiday"; I will be taking leave during my bday week. Happy! :D

I have been comtemplating if I should switch job lately and finally come to a final decision that I really have to go. I just wanna pursue in something that can give me the sense of satisfaction & challenge in whatever I am doing. I reckon my current job is rather stagnant and what makes me make up my mind is bcos of my immediate boss. I understand that she has no sufficient management skills yet and my colleague & I are the 1st batch of subordinates under her care.

I just felt very outcasted & insignificant. We have too many unpleasant disputes already and I am seriously not a "yes man" hence it makes it rather hard to work tgt with her. I just hope after my departure in this company, she will know how to manage the next girl that comes along. I will be super please to give her my feedback towards her managing skills but only when I tender my resignation letter. Being my immediate boss, she is still a woman afterall. Trying to be very objective but still emotional lah. Hard to change, that's y men & women are different.

I just cant bring myself to bootlick her like how my colleague always does. "Oh I need to check with my SUPERIOR", "Dear Superior, just to inform you ........" gosh I super cannot take it man! LOL. Even though everywhere is bound to have such ppl but I still think I wld prefer working alone than in a team. I never like to be in a team or working as a team. That's when all the favoritism comes in. I am someone who cannot stand such bias acts so I doubt I can work in a team.

Lately the accounts that I am handling is rather quiet and I hope that it will continue to be quiet till end of the yr.

Anyway, just last Sunday, I went to do my hair. Initially wanted to to soft rebonding (not those very straight kind; natural) but somehow got convinced to do Spa Rebonding (I didnt even ask what's the diff in result) which has more treatment in it. End up, the result is super straight and I seriously cannot take it. Sigh~ what to do? Blame myself for not being firm on my decision. I spend $250 (include a speedy treatment for the roots) in total but I guess 一分钱，一分货 my hair is indeed very good. No matter how I tie my hair and let it down, there are no obvious lines at all and even there is a slight line, it will be gone after awhile. Guess that's y the kind of $.

Baby Kariel is 9 mths old and she is indeed a joy! Always happy to have her in our place even so that I have to babysit her. She is such a darling, always like to pretend to cry wanting ppl to carry her. 4 more mths and my 2nd niece Kayleigh will be joining our family, cant wait! ^.^

My wisdom tooth is growing out abnormally and it hurts like shit! Got to visit dentist soon, sian. Got to spend $ again. Last year and this year is a super "spend-$-and-see-doc" year.

Till then....

Gain some, lose some.

In life, you always gain some and lose some. It's all about how much you want to lose and often the choice made is not at all easy.

I just wonder at times when I have to come up with a decision, I often cannot be firm with what I really want. I just think too much and this is really a freaking bad habit.

Blame it on the bloody war between the heart and mind. It sucks.

What do I really want in life? Am I happy with what I have now or I'm just resting in my comfort zone refusing to move on?

Last Fri I was rather unhappy with my superior. I just felt so helpless cos she is my immediate boss so she will have all say in who is handling which account. What pissed me off the most is she mentioned about my the other working colleague, that she never question her why is she doing this or that (but I did). I am never a "yes man" lor.

I got very upset with her trying to pull a fuss one, just bcos she is very good at defending or finding good "reasons" to rebuke on me. Siannn.

I need a break! I thought maybe I should look for another better pay job? I was thinking if I should try doing sales or industry sales? I just wanna make more money and I think sales is the only high pay job I can think of now. I'm still thinking...

Should I?

Baby Kariel's growing up!

Looking at her innocent smile melts my heart and brightens up my everyday.

Love her so much, baby Kariel..

Rotting Blog....

It's been months since I last update, maybe there is nothing much for me to update lately.

Life is as usual, nothing fantastic to blog about. Celebrated Serene's 24th not long ago, it was a nice catch up. Hope my life will be more colorful, wonder wad happened....

I'm off for a short break~

Growing up day by day...

Seeing my precious niece growing up healthy day by day really excites me a great deal! She came to my plc ytd and I baby sit her for a few hrs. Wow, she has grown much longer, heavier & more talkative compared to the above pictures. Will try to take her pics when i get to see her again.

Miss her so much! *hugs*