I felt so numb.

I rem wad i was before & compare with wad i am nw, the drastic changes i've made..i cant imagine hw i did it, nw thinking back i really regret doing alot of things. Recently i've been feeling tht i no longer knw wad is freedom. Maybe bcoz i've nt been working but thn i just felt tht i somehw lost my freedom in certain things. I felt like a bird in a cage. I thought most things will be paid off if u've put in effort or even extra effort but actually it's just my wishful thinking. I realise once there're too many doubts & lies in a r/s, tht r/s can nv be happy. Having too many past issues & 3rd parties can easily trigger one's wound badly. Whenever these wounds r touched again, i got so agitated till i really cant control my temper. I cant stop yelling!

I'm really very pissed off at those bitches! Claiming they're so pathetic but the fact is also bcoz they're realistic! They want big $, more $ all bcoz their bloody country cannot give them enough & provide them enough. Isnt it the same as hw some guys think of spore girls - realistic, materialistic? Guys who can say they dont expect much, but if they dont expect much y will they wanna come spore & live here or even marrying spore guys? Of coz they cant expect much compared to spore girls coz they come frm poor country wad! Like we cant expect much if we're gg to US or Aus right? I really cant stand this!

I find it so hard to explain hw i'm feeling right now. Hatred? All i knw is, it's accumulative!